I'm relieved to know that Sebrawyn is evidently safe. I hope I can find a way to talk to her soon--I need to know how thoroughly I should be hiding. I've already changed my hair, and I'll make sure that I'm not easily traceable... I've gotten work with a semi-mercenary contract unit. I'm going to have to speak to the troll who recruited me, or somebody else in charge, and make sure that they don't, for example, post lists of new recruits to Silvermoon. I don't know why they would, but I should check, just to make sure.

I'm also now living with Cei and Kianin, who is... not what I expected. And some other fellow, who is evidently in a situation similar to mine. Last night I drank for the first time in months, and went to sleep in a room in Cei's apartments, without anybody else knowing where I was. Am I overly trusting? It's pretty similar to how I got locked in a closet the last time. I didn't even think about it until I woke up.

I'm really not cut out for subterfuge.

So there's this meme that's going around LIKE A VIRUS OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW. Here's the deal:

1. Pick one of my characters: Khydann, Salyssa, Keetana, Giyoza, Elynne, Gerz, Damiren, Rosslekirkle (or one I haven't thought of?)
2. Roll 5 random numbers between 1 and 100 from this website
3. I will answer the questions that match those numbers from this list
4. DO IT OR I WILL BE SAD.

((A small, sturdy crate with airholes in the top is delivered by direct goblin courier. There is a letter attached to the top of the crate:))

Greetings to Krensythe Manashaper,

As previously discussed, please find enclosed one live turtle (small) and one information crystal. My apologies for not delivering the specimen personally; I have become embroiled in a situation which requires my presence. I hope to have another turtle prepared soon, and I should be able to bring it to you myself.

I look forward to discussing your research on my next visit.

Sincerely,
-- Salyssa Whitesun

I don't unders

It's a good thing I didn't get the letter from Com Sebrawyn until after I was questioned. I was able to tell them honestly that I had no idea what she'd done, she'd told me nothing, I didn't know her well outside of work. They asked me if she'd ever been... careless, irresponsible, reckless, then they asked me if she had ever talked to the people under her command about political affiliations or personal morality, not quite asking me if she'd ever talked to me about treason, but we all know the codes. I was shocked, I said I was shocked. That she was one of the most competent, law-abiding... I don't know what words I used exactly, I was surprised and maybe blathered a little, but I just... I hadn't even heard the rumors until after they let me go, and that--I'm pretty sure they weren't watching my mail, the investigation was just starting, but I got the impression that there's some serious pressure coming down from the Magisterium. They're going to be digging a lot deeper, very soon. Her letter didn't tell me anything specific, and really, even with that letter, it's not like I was involved with whatever she did--but that may not be enough, if they're looking for someone to lynch.

And if they bring me in for a second session, they'll probably start asking me about the Doctor. They didn't mention him, I don't know if they didn't know or didn't think it was important, but if I can come up with a plausible story about how he "corrupted" her, I'm sure they can too, and they will pursue it if they can. And if they start asking me about him... it's nothing to do with whatever they're after her for, but there's... enough for them to use to make me an accomplice, even though I wasn't one.

When the Magisterium is looking for people to burn, they will find them--somewhere, somehow.

So I left. I was becoming increasingly dissatisfied with riding patrols in the city anyway. It seemed like a good idea for my health to leave Silvermoon entirely after quitting the service... I know that will be seen as an admission of guilt, but--I don't know, I think I might be a small enough inconvenience that they won't bother pursuing me. I'll just have to stay out of Silvermoon for... a while.

I have some friends in Orgimmar, so I'm staying there for now, but I have to find some kind of work. I have some savings, but it'll go quickly--lodging in the city is expensive, not as much as Silvermoon, but enough that I'm seeing the gold flow out.

Maybe I can find Sebrawyn, and ask her what she actually did.

Why have people been telling me lately that I need a new job? I said it was boring sometimes, patrolling Silvermoon; I didn't say I don't -like- it.

... but... I don't, really, not any more. The others in the unit have settled in, but I still... and Commander Sebrawyn doesn't seem--I know the Doctor has disappeared again, but it seems more like she's unhappy with the job. She was so -happy- to get the position at first.

After looking at some of those goblin magazines, I understand what Norrien meant about the sock. Not that I think -I- need it, of course. Some of those pictures were... unsettling. And I'm pretty sure that big centerfold schematic was for a bomb.

Maybe patrolling gives me too much time to stand around and do nothing but think. I heard they still need people in the Outlands... I'll look into that.

Have I lost my grip on emotions so much that I no longer understand any of them any more? Or is this something that I never would have understood? Have I ever been motivated by revenge? Or felt that something done to me was so unjust that I could not set it aside? Not that I can recall.

I could understand it if she was still afraid of me; I certainly understand the necessity of securing one's safety against danger, real or imagined, even to the irrational extremes brought about by paranoia. She seems wary, mistrustful, but not afraid. And she does not seem to be angry; it's something colder, but not cold enough that logic is able to touch it.

And it doesn't make -logical- sense. She did much worse things during her former career. It doesn't seem that she remembers them. In hindsight, my actions were not useful; but at the time, they seemed a feasible way to bring about the desired result. I still believed I would have succeeded if the Doctor hadn't been unwittingly working at cross-purposes to me.

Why do I care what she thinks? A serious question, and an annoying answer: I want company. That's why I picked up this book of names and started writing in it; it's why I've been going to the Drunken Kodo. I've given a few lectures, but haven't yet begun teaching a regular, set course. Perhaps once I do start, this feeling will have diminished. I hope so.

Which brings to mind... some of the younger mages have been whispering a story, that it's dangerous for them to go around alone, or even in small groups, because of a mage-killing monster. It seems silly, but there have evidently been more losses than usual of mages in training out in the field. I will investigate, cautiously.

Using the pony creator, I made My Little Damiren and My Little Salyssa last night. Expect many more. And make your own! Funtimes!

I knew I had been out in the field (traveling back and forth and all across this world and the other one, digging up all sorts of fascinating things) for quite a while, but upon returning to Loraderon I did not expect to find the work and equipment I had been using for the Apothecarium to have been quite abruptly dismantled and reallocated to other projects. Good thing I have always kept my notes and records in my private stash, rather than leaving them in the shared bookshelf; all the books I left there were "redistributed."

I was given no formal notice of termination of my position with the Apothecarium. With some persistent inquiry, I eventually learned that the Kor'kron guards conducted a series of "surprise inspections" that were effectively raids, and ended up expanding their watchful guardianship to many areas that the Apothecarium had previously been able to keep away from their prying, piggy, beady little eyes. Unfortunately, there is now a very active and numerous orc presence in the areas where I had been conducting my research. I still have my private laboratory, but I can hardly do proper Apothecarium work there; I have no intention of telling them that it exists. I was told, quite unofficially, that if I want to pursue the lines of research I had been working on before the raids, they would greatly appreciate any information I can send; but they can no longer support my efforts materially or officially. No workspace, no assistants, no materials, no subjects.

I take some solace in knowing that I was not singled out for this treatment. From what I have been able to gather, a good half of the researchers formerly working for the Apothecarium now find themselves in the same situation. The ramifications of this--how those farther up the chain of command are reacting, how it will affect the strategies and goals of the Forsaken--I do not know. I count myself fortunate that I have my own carefully sequestered and hidden resources, as well as a perfectly legitimate line of employment, one which I believe I will actually enjoy.

Some people don't like other people. It's sad; it's the way the world is. Sometimes there's legitimate grievances. Sometimes it's over something totally stupid. Sometimes it can be worked out; sometimes the best you can do is ignore it the best you can.

But here's the thing. Person A and person B dislike each other. It's not one-way; it's entirely mutual. It is ACTUALLY POSSIBLE for person C (that person being me, hi!) to be friends with -both- person A -and- person B, without thinking that -either- of them is a HORRIBLE PERSON, or "taking sides" in whatever their interpersonal issues are.

A slightly different scenario: Say I am friends with person A, but not with person B. It is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE that the reasons I do not consider person B a friend are ENTIRELY SEPARATE from the reasons that person A has. Perhaps it's even because person B is a RAGING DOUCHEBAG.

So: Do not attempt to police my friendships. Do not tell me who I can and can't be friends with because of who -you- happen to like or dislike. Do not assume that because I'm friends with A I must automatically hate B because A hates them.

And for the love of ghu and all the little fishes: FUCKING ASK ME BEFORE YOU ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT WHO I AM OR AM NOT FRIENDS WITH, okay? And when you ask me, BELIEVE THAT I AM TELLING THE TRUTH. 1. If you think I'm going to lie, why bother asking? 2. If you -ask- I will tell you the truth because WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T I?

Most important lesson of high school: It never actually ends.

I've been offered a position as an instructor in a budding new academy. Of course I accepted. I have quite a bit of planning and work ahead of me, which I find myself looking forward to quite eagerly.

It is a bit of a downside that I will almost certainly have to at least spend a considerable amount of time in Silvermoon. I'm told the grounds of the academy will be in Eversong Forest, but I'm sure there's no way to avoid being in the city on a regular basis. As much as I dislike Silvermoon, it will be... not a bad thing, to not spend quite so much time in the Undercity. I am still loyal to Sylvanas and the Forsaken, but... Curse seems to have... failed. I'm not sure what the exact circumstances are. The attempts at hosting some kind of tavern have ended. I haven't heard from most of the members in weeks. I posted my copy of the book back to the Executioner. The Doctor has locked himself into his tower and hasn't emerged for the last month or so.

Ah well. Time will tell. I'm sure everything will be all right in the end; or it won't, and the world will be destroyed by a dragon aspect of death.